Like you are right here next to me
It's been a week that we barely talked.. but I wrote you the first email of this year, telling you about my shattered broken life and desperate to live.. with care.  It was a really long email and I didn't expect him to reply me so soon.

Then you replied me quickly but shortly, saying that you're busy - just as I expected. You told me to hang in there and you would write me back more. 

Later you popped up in the texting app that we always use. I instantly said that I miss you.. because I really, really miss you.. I miss the time that we text almost every day.
But you're busy.. and I know well that if you've got time, you will contact me.

One day when I was at a private postal service, trying to pack and send some souvenirs to him but I failed to do so.  I told him that I couldn't find the postal code in his address.. He was like, "you're not sending yourself in the package?"  That was very funny and lovely.. and he makes me feel more intimate to him.

I really like you.. but we both don't commit anything serious. And that's ok.  
I try to not being so needy.  But I really need you here though it seems like you are right here with me.  I just hope that we can be this close more than this virtual. 

Well, this is really anxious.  I am having my own personal issue and it takes so much energy to deal with that.  I sometimes want to get myself die but I keep thinking about what he said to me to be strong and I really want to see you right before I decide to do something stupid and completely go away.

photo credit: Christian Wiediger (
Written in this book
You and Me
It's still about you and me and all of my obsession about you. (late 2020 - 2021)
I read, I write and I take photos