Unknown 8/2020
Am I crazy? I've been thinking of someone so much that I almost feel him in my arms. But then he slowly dissolves in a blink of eyes 'cos in reality, he isn't here..

I keep imaging myself living a life with you.
It's not so fancy-schamacy life but we are happy as a normal pair of lovers do. We are getting along well yet we do fight sometimes. Somehow we both teach each others about essential preferences, including intimate things. Fortunately we do agree to most of bedroom routine since you have been so mighty and very sweet gentle at the same time.

How lucky life of one can be.
That is just all of my fantasy of him.. who is living so far away from me and the most close to be real is hearing voice from audio files or having VDO calls with him.

Still I have faith and hope to finally meet him.. to really get to touch his face, hold his hands, wrap my arms around him and kiss his lips.

The closer of my coming birthday, the more I want him.

We share the same birth month which is not so much surprised why we have some common thoughts..

All of sudden, I start to feel that I can't live without him.  Perhaps I have been single for too long and he has just appeared into my life since last 4 months ago.  Then we get along with most of the thoughts and we share some empathy. Also he helps me feel I am worth a living.

One day he said that when he was close to me (we studied in the same university and had some mandatory classes together), there's nothing happen to us. (I think he talked about our connection. There was no connected between us back there. We didn't even talk.) I didn't tell him that I was kind of adore him at that time but I was too shy to speak up.

Anyway, now we do have connected but we are so far apart.

If I can really have a wish that can become true, I wish for meeting him in person. So I can see his face, reach out his hand, hug him and hear him speak right in front of me. Physically looking into his eyes.. somehow will tell me if we can really get along.

He does have some sexy accent when he speaks English.

You guys may think that I will eventually tell him all of this. Nope, I don't think I am brave enough to tell him how much I care him.  But I used to tell him once that I love him, when he was really sad about lacking of mental supporting from work. I just wanted him to feel that I was always on his side no matter how far we were.

Hrrr.. maybe, I may tell him again on my birthday that I love him, like really love him..

In the past, I used to tell some guys that I liked them. It turned out to be not so well because most of them didn't feel as same as me. I got broken heart and it's fine. I can live up with the fact until now. 

 So this could be a deal breaking like the past history. Hey, love is all about risk, right? It's not that bad because I have experiences before. I don't want to waste my life not telling him that he's the one I am looking for.

Written in this book
2020 Unknown (ended)
It's a new year with new chapters in one's life but when someone in the past has returned. Two people who would like to keep growing their friendships strong. And it's clearly now that there is no 'us' together in the future.
reader, casually writer & amateur photographer