How do you know when “enough is enough”?
 
It’s just recently I have got to know something from someone that I am acquainted with.  It is a whole new side of this person that I have never thought he would have had this soft spot. I mean he is more gentle and romantic (of course not with me) than I thought but he often just brushes it off and stay focus on work most of the time.

He said he would tell me about his 10 years ago story when we met if things hadn’t turned out that way, you might have not met me at all,
That was what he said with soft voice and gave me a smile. Yet he didn't explain anything while we were at the dinner with the colleagues.
Should I be glad that his path crosses with me now?  I have no idea, actually...
   
But I can say that I am such a stupid kid, begging him to tell about his personal experience which is kind of sad and emotional one. And it’s none of my business to mess up with his past. Like I’m picking at his bruise again but he said it was ok. “I’m OK, really.” He said that he’s still remembered all of those moment and the feelings seemed to be crystal clear like it’s just happened yesterday.. (Damn it, I feel even guiltier that I might have hurt him more.) “It’s just a chapter of one’s life. That’s all. Don’t worry.” (Are you serious?) 

Then I realize and understand him more about his soft side. (If I had known this before, I might have not confessed my love to him. But there’s nothing I can do now as I have done it and the thin glass between me and him seems to be shattered. He opens up more, too.) Also this is the reason why he becomes the one we have seen today.

This whole conversation hadn’t happened when I met him face-to-face last night over the dinner party for reunion of the colleagues. Because when I asked him, he didn’t feel like to tell me. And he threw me a smile with his head shaking, like he didn’t want to show his soft side among others. But his eyes when he was looking at my eyes, had got some sparkles that I couldn’t imply again. It was all on the phone and he seemed to be too eager to tell me as he said, “I can see it in your eyes that you still have something with it.”

Also the story tells and explain itself why he just doesn’t want to commit to anyone except his work. Work helps keeping him busy so he won't go back in time to those memories and it seems work becomes the first priority in his life. There’s no space for someone else to fit in his crazy and wild work schedule. He used to tell me, "See how I work?  I don't really have time for anyone."  I didn't know back then when I was trying to flirt him.  

There are also some scars in his heart left by that special person.  No matter how long time would pass he still misses her and all the moment they had shared imprinted in his heart like a permanent tattoo. (Gosh! I am so jealous of her!!! She must be his first love.  But he didn’t say like that.. it’s just the way he talked about her and all the story can be interpreted that way.)

OK. It comes to the conclusion for the name of this story. I think it’s enough for me to stop going crazy with him. Actually, I know where I have been standing since I decided to get back in touch with him. I remember he said he is real busy guy. And I have known that he has never been interesting in me in such romantic way at the first place.  

Anyway, I find that we simply understand the way things should be and our thoughts seem to be quite similar. He is way too wild and too academic sometimes.  I’m just a goofy girl and all I do is just going around just to keep him relaxed once in a while. Hopefully he won’t get sick and tired of me.  Sometimes I feel he is another cool friend or a brother that I can discuss some serious thoughts with and gain more awesome ideas.  Sometimes I can just listen to what he share about his daytime job things.  And I am totally fine that things will be just like this.  

Photo credit on Unsplash by Loïc Fürhoff (@imagoiq)
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Written in this book
My Emotional Stories
All the emotions, feelings and personal thoughts in English version. Please do comments for my improving.
Writer
upupandaway
nostagic
reader, casually writer & amateur photographer

Comments

Traveler_101
10 months ago
I also don't know, when enough is enough...:((
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