Lost in the sea of maze

It's been a while I haven't written anything and here come the half way of 2019.  Time flies so fast that I hardly catch up and update it here..

I have to say that someone has returned back to my life and I don't know if I could be happy or sad to get back and keep in touch with him again. 

Life is full of surprised and I have to stay waken..
It's like...I know what I should do with him.. but deep down in my heart I would like him to at least acknowledge and has some feeling to me..  
I'm just an ordinary girl with the need of care and love.
On the contrary, he seems to know how to handle me. (Right, he's a problem fixer as his job has been a Project Manager.)  He just let me control all of the time I contact him (after work always).  While he answers the phone every time I ring him even he's in the meeting, replies my text even not right away, still on time..  But it's me who takes more time to text him back.. or I even don't answer his phone call from time to time.

What if it is his intention to make me feel like I'm in control but in reality he is in charge of everything?!
How am I supposed to know the truth?
I even asked him about his intention behind all of the calls and texts that he just wants to keep me in his circle as I can reach out to the ex-boss and ex-colleagues.  He said no.  But I just don't believe him. 
He has already taken away my trust since the last 6 months.However from that last month luncheon with him and accompanied with one of my closed senior colleague..  I have to say that meeting up face-to-face with him was cool. He has looked so good and handsome as he has always been. And yes, the lunch was on him. 

Recently, we've talked more than texting and I thought I got to be closer with him with all the personal stories and jokes we have had.  But heck no, I was ranked for his classified information access from 4 out of 10. (Why would I ask him for the truth about this?!  It's darn hurt a lot!!!) 

This is like.. I've got a real big hard slap right on my face, got awaken and realized that I am just a person that he calls to kill the time before he heads to next things to do.  Well, I do the same.. I ring him when I get lonely on my driving back home. And the latest time, he rang me right after work, just babbling about his earlier meeting that he was left waiting for someone that didn't show up.  (The Karma has found you, don't you know that?!)  Then I moved him to other light topics; his life in general and some topics continue from the last time we talked like his new vehicle (which actually turned out to be the new car for his father with some fun and teasing about the Salesgirl) and his retirement plan. 

Gosh! I thought I would not say about all of above.. but here.. I just published this to all the public.. 

photo credit : Jack Hunter on Unsplash.com

Written in this book
My Emotional Stories
All the emotions, feelings and personal thoughts in English version. Please do comments for my improving.
reader, casually writer & amateur photographer


11 months ago
I feel so awkward when my eyes found that word "kill the time"...
When I have read it finished, I feel like you already realized then. Thanks for your writing.
11 months ago
Thank you for stopping by and finish my story ka. Also appreciate on you comment. It's kind of draftly last night.. 🙏🏻