. . . please help me get a name for this entry . .
When you fall in love, how hard you will be hitting the ground?!I know that this may be the weirdest question to ask people in the world of "partners" or "couples".  

But I am so curious about this sincerely.  

It's really something people hardly discuss about in the beginning of any relationship. And I believe that it is very important matter as you are on the way to live with someone else that have been grown up in their ways for at least 20 - 30 years. How could we live with some people who have already been “someone” unique and have loved them continuously 4 - 5 decades later.

The first impression between you and them is something very tiny part of them. So the appearance is probably an illusion about who they totally are. And in generally who would express themselves truly themselves? No. Mostly we tend to act like we are very cool, awesome and attract people in some ways.

For example - hypothetical, 
there were two people happen to fall for each other. One of them probably loved another so much than another or they both loved each other as equal. They seemed to get along very well in the early of the time they met and they ignored the facts of some details like, their preference of food, the habits of saving money (like one loves spending, another saves more).

There may be a little conflict between them and they may solve it all or it could build up slowly. Then it becomes a bigger problem and causes the argument.  

So let's get back to the first question. What if that person we have always thought we are in love with, is not the one that we have always expected since the first time? The worst thing may be you break up with them -- in case you haven't married them yet. But.. if you have married them (a-hem.. and may have had kids together - this is really sad and things will get more complicated), what you will do. All the love in the first impression will save you both? Or it just makes you refuting them completely?!  

It is what I believe that will be how hard you will hit the ground. [Ouch!]

It is something we call "uncertainty" in the way we can't measure on other people about the different with any specific unit.  Each one is not same, each couple is unique and each love situation has their own definition.

If we all have been truly themselves since the first time we meet, will it all become different? 

So why am I talking about this? Well, for my case, I'm still single but I used to have a partner in crime. (I'm not going to tell you about this again - I hope.) Things didn’t turn out as we expected and planned. Thus we have ended the relationship and now move on to the different paths. But we are still friends. I still talk to him occasionally. He still comes over to meet me and my family once in a while.  We are friends on some social network. However it was very hard in the beginning to get back as friends. Yet we have passed through those times. (He even has a new gf already!!!)

Well, my heart is somewhat complicated.  Since I’m still loving a forbidden person (someone who is not single which means that one is not available no matter what) and I’m also stuck with a flash-back of someone whom I used to adore so much but I am not supposed to think of any longer. I feel like I need love yet I am so afraid of many things. 

And here is what one of my friends said to me, 

You shall not over-thinking about anything just yet. You should let it be, step by step and let go of the old people who used to be in your memories.  Just let them go.  New love requires new heart. (this is what she means but she said in different words.)  Don't design all the preference, and be brave for whatever will happen.  Open your heart and you shall meet someone new.
The thing is . . .

I start liking one of my close-friends. He’s available but I don’t want to lose him from being friends and we can really talk about most of everything even my stupid personal problems. He is a fun and clever and can be a serious one with poker face.  I've known him for so long.. but...

I don't want to risk anything now.

Photo by me editing with Over app
(A little fun fact about me: I bought myself some flowers occasionally.  I love having some scent of flowers around my work-station.  And yes, I'm a woman. You may have known already.)

Written in this book
Sparking the ideas, paradox of thoughts
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wanderer in this big wild world.. #feminist Love both reading and writing [เน้นเขียนภาษาอังกฤษเพื่อให้ไม่ลืม มีอะไรทักทาย แนะนำ ติ-ชมกันได้เสมอค่ะ ;)]