"Belong"

Dragon Age I Fan Fiction Pairing: Alistair X Female Warden    

-1-

“It hurts.” Alistair looks at his fellow warden, and his heart squeezes tightly at the lost look in her eyes. Ayisha has been absent in mind for most of the day after the death of the dreadful Howe. She has been the one to kill him.

She didn’t hesitate.

The revenge was served, but still, Ayisha looks even more lost than before, if that is possible.

He doesn’t know what to say, they had been traveling together for months now, and he knows that everything hasn’t been easy for her. She lost her family, got conscripted into the warden without her consent, and then almost got killed by the darkspawns. They survived, but there were only two of them left, and it seems like the weight of the world rest on their shoulders.

Usually, Ayisha always has a smile on her face, if not a smile, then a smirk. Or just a smug expression that he knows all too well that she keeps on in order to conceal whatever turmoil she has going on within. Sometimes, when she thinks nobody is looking, her face shadowed.

But never before has she looks this troubled. And sad.

“I don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand, my sister-warden?” At first, a joke was on the tip of his tongue from all his habit, but one look at the contemplation on her face and he has to swallow it down. This isn’t the time to joke, it seems.

“I should feel better.”

“You don’t?”

“I- I don’t know. I feel like justice is served. Howe is dead. And I got my revenge. I destroyed the Howe’s family honor. But, I don’t know. I feel like everything is not right. This is the first time that..” she wets her lip, “this is the first time I realize that everything is not going to be the same again.”

“Ayisha.”

“No, please. I..”

He watches her eyes, full of sorrow and grief, and unfounded release of vengeance, and his heart gives a sudden jolt when his hands start to draw the woman into a light hug.

“Will I look more handsome if I tell you to cry?” He teases her, rocking her back and forth, acting like he knows what he is doing when in fact, his head is screaming, really loud, ‘damn it, Alistair! What are you doing you cheesy head!’

The terrifying sister-warden still doesn’t kill him on the spot, so he believes he has done good, though.

“I won’t get killed, right?”

“No.” She laughed, albeit a little shakingly, then she adds softly, “you have always been handsome, Alistair.”

Suddenly bashful, he avoids her eyes.

“I won’t see them ever again?” She whispers brokenly.

“No, you won’t.” Alistair’s eyes darkened. His thought travels back to the foster family he lost in Ostagar. “They won’t come back. But we have to live on.”

Even if we do not want to.

“Usually I am the one who tell you that, you realize?” She hesitantly remarks, revealing a small smile that appears hesitantly on the corner of her mouth.

He sniggers.

Solemn again, she mumbles.

“My past is gone.”

“Yes.”

“I can’t never - I can’t go back to the way I was, nor can everything else.”

There is a long silence there.

“But I have you.”

He is startled by her sudden words. The look in her eyes, too, is soft, pained and warm. She looks at him like he matters.

“I belong with the warden now. With you.”

His heart swells.

“Yes.” Alistair croaks out, holding her a little bit tighter, “yes, you do.” 
 


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