Well, I might say this is a very first time I write something on this storylog as English.
SO, first of all, Happy new year, guys. Hope you all have such a happiest and healthiest year.
For me, I just see you guys are happy make me happy too (LIAR~!) 'cause it's my job,
New year day is a very hard work for someone including me. We don't have countdown night, fine dinner, even quality time to spend with family. For what? They all do it for keeping you safe, making a very special time or best experiences for you and some of them saved somebody's life.
So, have fun, guys. We are serving you.
(What's wrong with me? Why I grumble about this? I don't understand myself)
During my disappearance on this storylog, I have fought against my job, my family and, of cause, myself. That means so many things happened to me.
I got my driver's license. 'Meh, it's not that special. Once in life, you have to have it' you may say but for ME, coward as motherf*cker, it was very hard to being behind the wheel. After that, my family wants me to get a car. A CAR!! That's too big for me. With 10,000 baht as my salary, I don't think it will work. We argued and upset. They might think I'm selfish, careless and not grown-up but I THINK I care and grow enough to think to not getting anything like that in this time.
I have to face that my depression is getting worse. I just feel like I was better because of the pill not myself, so I quit to see the doctor. It's been 6 months now and it's getting worse, I can say. I have suicidal thoughts more than before and searching 'How to kill myself, not painful but deadly', I am learning about poison now. (Is it getting creepy here?) I DO scared of myself too. I tried to stop thinking of that and bring back my positive thoughts, sometime it's work but some is not. But right now, my black dog is sleeping so I can write it whatever I want.
P' Toon of Bodyslam is my hero (again). Believe and The Last Light are my healing songs. I try to believe, happy and smile again. It hurt a little bit (hurt like you have ice cold skin and get to somewhere warm) but I will get over it, promise.
Last but not least, the job. Once again I talked about this. I'm bored with this place. I tried to looking for other jobs. Waiting the phone call is so painful. Being rejected is MORE painful. (Inhale deeply and exhale loudly) but I am still finding a new job. (weird smile)
Anyways, Nothing will be bad last forever, I AM still breathing to proving that.
Enjoy your life and fight for your dream.
I miss it here. I hope I will write more often. I miss you guys too! Can't wait to read your comments. (doing a heart shape fingers)
Written in this book
เรื่องเล่าจากความทรงจำ ความเป็นอยู่ การวิเคราะห์จากสิ่งที่เห็น
Someone - Something - Somewhere