MISS ME?
Well, I might say this is a very first time I write something on this storylog as English.
SO, first of all, Happy new year, guys. Hope you all have such a happiest and healthiest year. 
For me, I just see you guys are happy make me happy too (LIAR~!) 'cause it's my job, 

New year day is a very hard work for someone including me. We don't have countdown night, fine dinner, even quality time to spend with family. For what? They all do it for keeping you safe, making a very special time or best experiences for you and some of them saved somebody's life. 

So, have fun, guys. We are serving you. 

LOL 
(What's wrong with me? Why I grumble about this? I don't understand myself)

During my disappearance on this storylog, I have fought against my job, my family and, of cause, myself. That means so many things happened to me.

I got my driver's license. 'Meh, it's not that special. Once in life, you have to have it' you may say but for ME, coward as motherf*cker, it was very hard to being behind the wheel. After that, my family wants me to get a car. A CAR!! That's too big for me. With 10,000 baht as my salary, I don't think it will work. We argued and upset. They might think I'm selfish, careless and not grown-up but I THINK I care and grow enough to think to not getting anything like that in this time. 

I have to face that my depression is getting worse. I just feel like I was better because of the pill not myself, so I quit to see the doctor. It's been 6 months now and it's getting worse, I can say. I have suicidal thoughts more than before and searching 'How to kill myself, not painful but deadly', I am learning about poison now. (Is it getting creepy here?) I DO scared of myself too. I tried to stop thinking of that and bring back my positive thoughts, sometime it's work but some is not. But right now, my black dog is sleeping so I can write it whatever I want. 
P' Toon of Bodyslam is my hero (again). Believe and The Last Light are my healing songs. I try to believe, happy and smile again. It hurt a little bit (hurt like you have ice cold skin and get to somewhere warm) but I will get over it, promise.

Last but not least, the job. Once again I talked about this. I'm bored with this place. I tried to looking for other jobs. Waiting the phone call is so painful. Being rejected is MORE painful. (Inhale deeply and exhale loudly) but I am still finding a new job. (weird smile)

Anyways, Nothing will be bad last forever, I AM still breathing to proving that. 
Enjoy your life and fight for your dream. 

I miss it here. I hope I will write more often. I miss you guys too! Can't wait to read your comments. (doing a heart shape fingers)

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Written in this book
Dear, Diary
เรื่องเล่าจากความทรงจำ ความเป็นอยู่ การวิเคราะห์จากสิ่งที่เห็น
Writer
Double9
Nobody
Someone - Something - Somewhere

Comments

McPITCH
2 years ago
waiting for you story...
happy new year :)
keep on
Reply
Double9
2 years ago
Thanks! It's really nice of you! Let's keep on together !!"
btw Happy New Year !!!!
ClaraDeLaLune
2 years ago
Dear sis,
Happy New Year. I'm glad you still alive to write something, think of it as a kind of therapy. I hope it could help you cope with depression. Writing about your pain is brave, it like facing the demon but be careful don't dig the feeling too deep cuz it could swallow your soul. Ok enough with the metaphor.... Congrate on your first driver's license. I hope you continue to achieve little things every day.

OMG I cries while reading this you know?
it's YOUR FAULT!!!
Reply
Double9
2 years ago
so sorry, sis, to hear you cried. Lol
I miss you! How are you doing?
Hope something good happen to you too.
HYN na jaa 💋
ClaraDeLaLune
2 years ago
Nothing much happen, atleast I feel happier with myself now. I'm helping with family business but I still get embressed every time someone ask me about a job. I just need sometime to think and prepare myself.
Anyway, wish you a very best luck. I'll continue to read your story😽
Double9
2 years ago
Be pleasure to know that you're happier. If you are happy with what you doing right now, you don't have to find a job. Doing it as a job will make you happier (cuz it's hard to find that kind of job out there, maybe freelancer job but I heard it's not friendly for newbie, like us). 

All best luck to you too. xoxo
myday
2 years ago
Happy New Year, and cheering you up.
Wish you all the best and if you want someone to talk with I can be that one for you.
I don't know how painful you were, but I do know that you're so strong to pass through things in your life and live for another year. 
From a stranger who read your story ;D
Reply
Double9
2 years ago
Thank for all positive power you gave me through the comment. It means a lot for me. :)

Also, thank you for reading. Hope you have such a great year. ;)